


Petrified (Friend, Please)

by lostatsea



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: F/M, but that's okay, but this is sad, i almost cried writing it, i wrote a lot of this on the bus, i'm never good with tags, idk what else to say, im sad too, lol, no one's going to read this, they're all in high school but they're not in the actual school here, tyler is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-17 13:13:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8145328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostatsea/pseuds/lostatsea
Summary: Life wasn't worth it anymore.
Usually, Tyler would ask himself that statement in the form of a question, but now, it had evolved to be something more permanent. Something black and white. Something with an answer.





	

That was the thing about being depressed. His immune system wouldn't fight it off in a week. He didn't have a visible cough or a stuffy nose. His temperature didn't spike, and he still had to go to school.

But sometimes, it was still deadly.

Tyler was laying on his bed, eyes wide open, while staring at his ceiling. His bedroom window was causing a slight drift to chill the room, and the fan was just pushing that cold air around. He didn't have the energy to turn it off or close the window, so he would have to deal with it. He was used to dealing with things though.

Tyler's phone was vibrating once or twice every couple of minutes, and he knew that he had unread texts from Josh and Jenna. He could easily sneak by with an excuse as to why he would respond late: his phone died, he was doing homework, his messages weren't working. Or maybe he wouldn't need an excuse, and then they would know for sure.

This decision was an odd one to be making. Usually decisions had consequences, but this one choice would simply greet him with an abyss of darkness, where no feelings could exist. Maybe the consequences would be present on Earth as his family, Jenna, and Josh would surely be upset. But they would get over it.

But there would be people that would even benefit from his death. His teachers would have one less paper to grade, the basketball team's bench would have one less starter to compete with, and his family wouldn't have to pay for his college.

Maybe this would be doing everyone a favor.

He would be doing himself a favor as well. His mind would stop. Completely. No thinking. No dread. No feelings.

Tyler took a deep breath and noticed the gradual rise and fall of his chest. He then moved the tips of his fingers and felt the smooth texture of the bed.

_No thinking. No dread. No feelings._

If he wasn't crying already, he surely was now. But he had to keep quiet, his family was downstairs and would come rushing up if they thought that their son was upset.

That made Tyler feel slightly guilty; this decision would be a lot easier if he had a family that completely didn't care.

_No thinking. No dread. No feelings._

His pulse was skyrocketing, and his head began to pound.

Life wasn't worth it anymore.

Usually, Tyler would ask himself that statement in the form of a question, but now, it had evolved to be something more permanent. Something black and white. Something with an answer.

This seemed like the only answer he had in his entire life, and his control over this choice comforted him. Maybe he didn't have any control over his happiness, or his school, or his emotions, but his life was in his own hands.

This would mean no more crying himself to sleep in the dead of the night. This would mean no more waking up at six o'clock in the morning to head on the bus to school. This would mean no more anything.

Tyler was okay with that. _Tyler was okay with that!_

He wasn't sure why, but a feeling overcame him and it wasn't something he was used to. It was warm and comforting and new. It was calm. It was good.

But deep down, Tyler wasn't sure if this was exactly what he wanted. He had fought this feeling off many times in his life before, even if this had been the worst.

A sharp inhale pierced through his body, followed by a shudder. It took a couple of moments to search for his breath.

_Are you sure you want to do this?_ He thought. _Do you really want this to be the end of all things?_

But instead of being able to answer with a definite yes, only a small sob escaped his small lips, and he buried his face in the pillow to hide his weakness.

He needed to stop this. He needed to stop crying every single day, and he needed to stop getting worked up over every little thought.

He surely had to stop getting Josh and Jenna involved; they were probably annoyed with his constant, frantic texts. They were mostly able to calm Tyler down, but there was no reason to keep bothering them with the same problems. He could deal with it on his own.

He could deal with it, he could deal with it, he could deal with it, he could deal with it.

His phone was sitting on the bedside table; all he had to do was shoot a quick text.

No, Tyler could deal with it.

But then his phone was practically shaking the table, and the steady vibration signaled that there was an incoming call. 

Tyler tried to resist all temptations to pick up the phone, but the repeated sound dug into his skin and the guilt took control.

He reached behind him and pulled the device up to his face, clicking the answer button through tear-filled eyes. 

"Hello?" He heard Jenna's voice cut through the speakers.

"Hi," Tyler replied with a slight mumble, not wanting to expose any emotions through his voice.

"Josh and I were making plans to hang out tonight, but you weren't responding to either of us so I thought I would call," she explained, seemingly excited.

"Oh, tonight?" Tyler responded, sniffling slightly. 

"Yeah, tonight," she replied, "Why? Are you doing homework or something?" 

"No, no," Tyler shook his head and wiped his eyes with the cuff of his sweatshirt. "I just have... other plans?" 

"Oh okay," her voice trailed off slightly. "Well, I hope you have fun with your other plans." 

"I guess I could cancel them," Tyler let out a deep breath he didn't know he was holding in. "But I'm not sure I want to cancel them." 

"Oh yeah, Tyler. Don't cancel plans just for us. We were just going to sit outside and get ice cream and listen to music and talk," Jenna said. 

"Ice cream sounds nice," Tyler gave a halfhearted laugh, not sure where that was coming from.

"I know," Jenna smiled, although Tyler couldn't see. "Too bad you can't come. Maybe next time." 

"Yeah," Tyler said quietly, and a silence erupted between them. 

"Well, what are you doing tonight then?" Jenna finally spoke up, but Tyler had been trying to avoid confrontation with this question. 

"Oh-I-," he started out shakily. "I just have some things I need to get done." 

"I guess I shouldn't keep you forever then," Jenna responded immediately, unaware of Tyler's real answer.

"No, it's okay," Tyler jumped in quickly. "How was your day?"

"It was pretty good. I'm just glad it's Friday."

Tyler didn't respond but just laid back down on his bed. Jenna didn't say anything else, so another silence hung in the air.

"I'm tired," he finally spoke too quietly. 

Jenna, however, had increasing worry in her voice. "Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, why?" Tyler said softly. 

"I don't know. It's just-I don't know. You seem upset," she responded. "I don't mean to be-"

Tyler interrupted her, "I'm fine." He was even able to muscle a small smile on his face to convince himself.

"Why don't you come with us tonight? We'll have fun, I promise." 

"I told you that I'm busy," he shakily replied on the verge of tears. He was sure that came across evidently in his voice, and he scolded himself silently. 

"Tyler, do you want me to come over?" 

She was too good at detecting when something was wrong. 

"Jenna, I told you that I'm perfectly and absolutely fine. I swear. I just have _plans_ tonight, so I'm not sure why you're interrogating me," he answered suddenly with an angry tone, his words rolling off his tongue like individual daggers. He shouldn't have been getting that irritated, but something else was talking control.

"Tyler, you're scaring me." 

But then he hung up promptly, and the forming tears in his eyes didn't waste any time as they began streaming down his face. He started to bawl, tasting the salty tears flow across his lips.

He never had hated himself more. He should have never answered that phone call, and now Jenna was worried as well. He was causing too much chaos in this world. He needed to go. 

But he wanted to talk to someone as well. He knew that this decision was too permanent and too rash. There had to be another way. 

But this was what he wanted, right?

He decided to answer the call back that had sent his phone into even more vibrations. Jenna was probably frantic on the other end, and Tyler decided that she deserved better. 

"Tyler, oh thank god you answered. I only want to help. Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to come over?" 

Tyler accidentally let out a sob, but he didn't want to show he was crying over the phone. 

"Tyler, I'm going to come over. I'll tell your parents we're studying together. Is that okay?" 

"But your plans with Josh," Tyler mumbled quickly. 

"Josh won't mind. I'm going to head over to your house now, but I'm not sure I can bike and talk. Will you be okay?" 

"I think so," he said quietly. 

"If you need something, please please _please_ call me. I shouldn't take long."

"Okay," he sniffed.

He heard Jenna follow up with a response before the line went dead, but he was too busy pulling the covers of his bed up and trying to warm himself. He buried his head in the pillow tried to focus on something that made him real, but nothing was drawing him back to this Earth.

But it was only a matter of minutes before he heard the doorbell ring, talking downstairs, and then footsteps trailing up the stairs.

A knock was placed at the door, and he heard Jenna's voice ask if she could come in.

"I'm here," he responded softly, and then the creak of his door filled his ears as it opened and closed.

"Oh, Tyler," Jenna's voice dropped as she ran over to his bedside. He turned his head up and looked into her blue eyes, embarrassed that his own were laced with red. 

Tyler opened his mouth to speak, but he had difficulty finding words to use. 

"It'll be okay," Jenna comforted him, rubbing a tear off from his cheek. 

He wasn't sure where he mustered up the courage to speak, but suddenly, his voice filled the hollow air. "It won't be. I just want it all to end. It's not like tomorrow will be any better."

Jenna found his hand and squeezed it. "Someday it will be." 

He shook his head. 

"What about that house we want to own when we're older? What about our future cats? They need a home." 

"You can do that without me. Find someone else to love," Tyler muttered. 

"Tyler, I wouldn't want to. You're all I want, and all I need." 

"Everything I'm going through now worth isn't worth it for the end. I just give up. Please let me."

Jenna's eyes grew large, and she shook her head. "No-no, please Tyler. I'm sorry for being so bad at making you feel better, but I really _really_ want you to stay alive, and I want you to realize that you can stay alive for yourself to. Think of all the books you haven't read, movies you haven't seen. Think of all the songs you haven't written, and think of all the audiences your band hasn't played for yet. It's worth it. Please know that." 

"I don't really believe you," Tyler curled himself into a ball. 

"You don't have to fully. But believe just enough that it can get you through these days. Talk to me when you're feeling upset. Talk to Josh, too. I really don't want you to leave." Jenna had tears streaming down her face at this point as well. "I know you'll get through."

"I'm sorry for making you cry," Tyler said. 

"That's okay: you don't have to apologize. But I hope you know how much I care for you and how much I want you to live. You can get through this. _We_ can get through this."

"Can you stay tonight?" He asked tentatively. 

"Of course, of course," Jenna repeated. "Just promise me that you'll stay alive." 

He stared ahead at his closet doors for a second before taking a breath to speak. "I'll stay alive," he nodded slightly, the words locking into the air. "I'll stay alive." 


End file.
